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New Over-the-Counter DNA Paternity Test Answers the Question: Who’s Yo’ Baby Daddy?

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New Over-the-Counter DNA Paternity Test Answers the Question: Who’s Yo’ Baby Daddy?

It’s a question many “active” pregnant women, especially on soap operas, have asked themselves:

Who’s the Baby Daddy?

It’s okay if you’re not sure.  Women are expected to juggle the demands of home and work — how can we possibly keep track of all of our sexual partners on top of that?  Or under that.   Or behind that.  Whatever the case may have been; that’s for you and The McKinley Pub men’s restroom stall to know.

Fortunately, the first over-the-counter paternity test kit will be on sale within weeks to answer any lingering uncertainty.  For just $50, plus $200 to receive the results, confused moms and potential fathers can get a collection kit — with which they swab the inside of the cheeks of the child, dude and, optionally, the mother — to determine Baby Daddy status without the hassle of going to court or Jerry Springer.

The test is 99.9 percent reliable… which is more than we can say for that condom that was used!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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