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“Ugly” Men More Fertile, Produce More Sperm, Have New Pick-Up Line to Use in Bars

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“Ugly” Men More Fertile, Produce More Sperm, Have New Pick-Up Line to Use in Bars

Well, THIS sounds like highly scientific research…

Scientists have found that, based on studies of chickens and fish, “ugly” males produce more sperm during sex and are more fertile than their more attractive counterparts.  Researchers believe their findings could apply to humans as well.

No word on what makes a chicken more attractive than others.  Well-tailored feather coats…?  A six-pack that makes the hens swoon?  Cologne that isn’t fowl-smelling?  (I know, I know… but I couldn’t resist.)

The Oxford and University College London researchers think good-looking males are biologically geared to hold back their sperm in each encounter to increase their chance of impregnating more females.  Unattractive males, on the other hand, know they are not going to bed so many females — so when they DO get lucky, they give it all they’ve got.  So to speak.

“Human attractiveness is complicated and influenced by a number of factors including cultural preferences,” said UCL researcher Sam Tazzyman. “Nonetheless, ejaculate size and sperm quality are likely to have been molded by similar forces, like attractiveness and the number of sexual partners, that are important in other species.”

Follow-up research is expected to confirm this clearly VERY fertile man can impregnate women just by looking in their direction:

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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