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Shamelessly Playing the Pregnancy Card

Candy's Column

Shamelessly Playing the Pregnancy Card

CANDY:  I’d like the chicken fingers meal… off the children’s menu, please.

WAITER:  Can’t do that, ma’am.

CANDY:  Please?

WAITER:  We’ll have to charge you an extra four bucks —

CANDY:  (POINTING AT BELLY)  But it’s for her!  She’s under 12.

The waiter laughs uncomfortably, stumped.

WAITER:  Ha, ha.  Haven’t heard that one before…

CANDY:  (RUBBING BELLY)  So the chicken fingers.  For $4.99 then?


CANDY:  Great.  Thanks.

WAITER:  Very well, ma’am.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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