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Mom Caught Boinking in Car Uses Infallible “We Got Horny” Defense

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Mom Caught Boinking in Car Uses Infallible “We Got Horny” Defense

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These two totally sober-looking individuals, Danica Wallace, 24, and Jeremy Welch, 29, were recently arrested in Ohio after the cops spotted the reportedly pantless duo having sex in a car.

But wait — there’s more!

Danica’s two small children, ages four years and 22 months, were sitting in the back while they were knocking da boots.  Something tells me the traumatized kids will ask to take the bus from now on.

Good ol’ Jeremy, described as “extremely intoxicated,” had a simple explanation for their behavior: “We got horny and just wanted to fuck!!”  (The reporting officer added the extra exclamation point for emphasis.)

Meanwhile, Mother of the Week contender Danica, who failed a series of field sobriety tests, claimed to have only consumed a 22-ounce bottle of Budweiser.

“I’m not completely drunk,” she assured police.

That’s good enough for me.   Please, continue on your way, ma’am!

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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