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Top 10 Tell-Tale Signs You Are a Mother

Family & Parenting Humor

Top 10 Tell-Tale Signs You Are a Mother

Happy Mother’s Day to all the hot mamas out there!  In honor of this most beloved holiday, here is The Laughing Stork’s list of the TOP 10 TELL-TALE SIGNS YOU ARE A MOTHER:

10.  The words “because I said so” have passed your lips.

9.  You believe your spittle is an acceptable substitute for soap.

8.  You’ve seduced your husband with this naughty phrase:  “Hey, we probably have a good ten minutes till she wakes up.”  [*WINK*]

7.  Spit-up is your new black.

6.  You fantasize about Greg from “The Wiggles.” (Those black hot pants are irresistible.)

5.  You can flat-iron your hair, text your boss and perform an appendectomy with one hand.

4.  Nap Time is your new Happy Hour.

3.  You have sophisticated dinner conversations, often starting with the provocative question:  “So did the big guy poop on the potty today?”

2.  Your showers have been replaced by baby wipes and, on a good day, deodorant.

1.  You have read the signs on this list and nodded, “Tru dat, sistah!”

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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