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News Flash: Kids Ain’t Cheap

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News Flash: Kids Ain’t Cheap

Here is some news I wish I’d gotten, oh, six months ago:  Parents spend an average of $41,000 on their children before they (*GULP*) reach the age of three, reveals a survey of 3,000 mothers.

Well, heck.  If I’d known this, I would have just adopted a four-year-old.

Two-thirds of that amount is spent before the youngsters’ first birthday, with expectant mothers spending an average of $6,000 — including $150 on clothes and $4,500 on nursery furniture — on the unborn baby.


Yeah, that sounds about right.  Except… only $150?  Really?  Uh-oh.

This is why we need to lobby Congress to change those ridiculous child labor laws.  Gotta put these kids to work to help pay the bills, dammit!

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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