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Pregnant Lady Forced to Eat Slice of Humble Pie

Candy's Column

Pregnant Lady Forced to Eat Slice of Humble Pie

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Candy sits down at the nail salon, rubbing her growing belly and feeling quite good about herself after a brisk morning walk through West Hollywood.

NAIL LADY:  Manicure, pedicure?

CANDY:  Yes, both, please.  (POINTS TO NAIL POLISH) Here are the colors.

The Nail Lady observes Candy’s feet for a moment.

NAIL:  You wanna flowers?  (NODS EAGERLY)  Yes?

CANDY:  Oh.   No.  No, thank you…

NAIL:  But your toes — they so BIG!  Perfect for flower!

Candy’s glow turns into a deep crimson blush.

CANDY:  Let’s stick to the pink.  And total silence, please.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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