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Teacher Helps Kids Expand Vocabulary with F-Bombs

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Teacher Helps Kids Expand Vocabulary with F-Bombs

Subtracting fractions isn’t the only thing making sixth graders swear these days: a British teacher recently devoted an entire class to teaching curse words to eleven-year-olds, much to their surprise.

That’s just wrong!

Kids should learn swear words the old-fashioned way: at home, from their parents.

The parents, whose children attend St. Laurence School in Bradford on Avon in southwest England, said they were given no advance warning of the lesson plan — and no doubt had a few choice words for the teacher, themselves.

The children said the teacher wrote curse words on the board and had them shout them out. Fun! Almost makes me want to go back to school. The teacher claimed the goal of the lesson, part of a sex and relationship curriculum, is to rob profanity of its mystique.

A potentially effective approach, for sure — but perhaps more appropriate for, say, an optional after-school language program? Dropping F-Bombs 101!  Hell, I used to looooove after-school enrichment classes. Scrabble Club rocked.

Explains why I was so popular. Practically had coolness oozing from my pores.  Along with a passion for triple-word scores.

The parents, as you can imagine, weren’t exactly thrilled with their kids’ expanded vocabulary.

“This is a total disgrace,” a parent said. “Our children go to school to gain an education, not qualifications in swear words. Most kids had no idea what the words meant and were forced to grow up faster than their parents want. Heads should roll for this.”

The Laughing Stork tried to reach other parents for comment, but they were too busy trying to explain what an “assmuncher” is to their children to respond to our calls.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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