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The Laughing Stork

Candy's Column


On my way to Whole Foods this morning, I saw a garbageman extracting decorative deer antlers from the neighbors’ trash to save for himself.   Thank goodness those beauties didn’t go to waste.  Which got me thinking about the gorgeous treasures I’ve been throwing out lately in the name of Operation:  Prepare for Baby Arrival.  Piles of micro-minis were tearfully thrown into the dumpster last weekend, memories of Cosmo-filled girls’ nights out and toned pre-pregnancy legs flashing before my eyes.  No matter that I hadn’t even worn the damn skirts in years — and that cleaning house for baby was just the impetus I needed to finally get rid of the trashy attire cluttering the back of my closet.  The part that frightened me was that suddenly, I felt…

… Like a grown-up.  Who wears classy skirts that actually cover her ass.  *Gulp*

Just hope the garbageman didn’t extract my discarded attire from the trash.  Although he would look precious in the ruffled Marc Jacobs mini-skirt.

The bigger sacrifices are, of course, going to be sleep, my office — which is in the process of moving from the private second bedroom, a.k.a. the new nursery, with a view of the Hollywood Hills to the very OPEN and noisy loft with a view of the top of my husband’s head as he plays computer games — sleep, our freedom to party, travel, walk around in our holey underwear and do pretty much anything on a whim and, oh, did I mention sleep?  Morning people, we are not.

None of that seems to matter, however, when I remember we are being blessed with the most beautiful, cherished gift anyone could ever hope to receive…


Seriously, have you seen the dresses out there for girl munchkins?  This little number I just snagged from Gymboree makes Mr. Candy and me downright giddy:


What I lose in micro-minis, I gain in micro-denim dresses.  A more-than-acceptable exchange.

Now if only I’d been on the ball and snagged those deer antlers for Candy Junior’s nursery — then she’d REALLY be stylin’.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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