Whenever I have a question about my pregnancy, I usually refer to the Most Trusted Source in the World — Google — where I’ve learned that babies are born through our ears and eating Count Chocula while pregnant really CAN turn your baby into a vampire.
After I’ve exhausted Dr. Google, I’m fortunate enough to be able to harass my cousin, Michelle, who is a Labor & Delivery nurse here in Los Angeles. So I can always call Michelle when I need to know important things, like whether that curly hair I’ve sprouted on my chin is normal. (Official answer: Sadly, yes.)
I’ve also tapped my cuz for funny stories from the Labor & Delivery trenches. A few goodies she shared with me during her work break this morning…
A recent conversation between Michelle and her 7-year-old daughter Olivia:
OLIVIA: Madison thinks babies are born out of the belly. But I told her they come from the vagina!
MICHELLE: Actually, sweetie, they can come from the belly OR the vagina.
MICHELLE: When they come from the belly, it’s called a C-section.
A shocked pause, as Olivia digests this.
OLIVIA: Mommy, when you said you were doing C-sections, I thought you were going out to the ocean!
(Ed. note: I swear, the only way that story could be more cute, is if Olivia had been holding a baby panda at the time.)
And one from the L&D room…
Michelle’s nursing colleague examines a woman who’s gone into labor.
NURSE: You’re three centimeters. The baby is really low…
WOMAN: I KNEW it would be low! My husband isn’t very big.