From the Labor & Delivery Trenches

Whenever I have a question about my pregnancy, I usually refer to the Most Trusted Source in the World — Google — where I’ve learned that babies are born through our ears and eating Count Chocula while pregnant really CAN turn your baby into a vampire.

After I’ve exhausted Dr. Google, I’m fortunate enough to be able to harass my cousin, Michelle, who is a Labor & Delivery nurse here in Los Angeles.  So I can always call Michelle when I need to know important things, like whether that curly hair I’ve sprouted on my chin is normal.  (Official answer:  Sadly, yes.)

I’ve also tapped my cuz for funny stories from the Labor & Delivery trenches.  A few goodies she shared with me during her work break this morning…

A recent conversation between Michelle and her 7-year-old daughter Olivia:

OLIVIA:  Madison thinks babies are born out of the belly.  But I told her they come from the vagina!

MICHELLE:  Actually, sweetie, they can come from the belly OR the vagina.

OLIVIA:  Huh?

MICHELLE:  When they come from the belly, it’s called a C-section.

A shocked pause, as Olivia digests this.

OLIVIA:  Mommy, when you said you were doing C-sections, I thought you were going out to the ocean!

(Ed. note:  I swear, the only way that story could be more cute, is if Olivia had been holding a baby panda at the time.)

And one from the L&D room…

Michelle’s nursing colleague examines a woman who’s gone into labor.

NURSE:  You’re three centimeters.  The baby is really low…

WOMAN:  I KNEW it would be low!  My husband isn’t very big.

True story.