These Dolls Will Haunt Your Soul

Introducing “reborns,” dolls that are designed to look and feel just like a real newborn baby — and, I suspect, to kill you in your sleep.

According to ABC News, women across the country are obsessed with these life-like dolls, paying upwards of $1,400 to fulfill their maternal needs with them.

$1400?! If they’re looking to be mothers, I’m pretty sure K-Fed would gladly knock them up for the low price of a Bud Light Lime.

One reborn fanatic admits her dolls are kind of a substitute for babies and that she especially savors moments when other people think that her reborns are real.

“I guess it would be considered, like, a maternal instinct,” she said. “You’re, like, all happy and proud, ’cause they’re, you know, googling over your baby.”

Well, who could resist that adorable crown of serial killer hair?!

Another fanatic just purchased a reborn called Rachel for $1,400 to add to her collection of 36 dolls. Yes, folks, 36 freakin’ dolls. Which, according to my finely trained mathematical mind, equals… a sh*tload of money.

I’m tellin’ ya: one Bud Light Lime. That’s all it would take, ladies.