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Breaking the Pregnancy News to Our Other Children

Candy's Column

Breaking the Pregnancy News to Our Other Children

It was the day Mr. Candy and I had been dreading:  the day we would tell our very content, very spoiled kids that we were introducing yet another little being into their lives, upsetting the home-life foundation and routine to which they’d become accustomed.  Other parents warned us it would be hard, that we could expect any number of responses — from tears to indifference, from denial to anger.

Being the caring, thoughtful parents that we are, we researched ways to properly approach the situation, finally arming ourselves with advice from the parenting experts on  They suggested dropping this bombshell on our children during “a calm period when they’ll have time to process the news and ask questions.”

So that’s exactly what we did:

CANDY:  (HESITANT)  Hey, guys.  We need to have a talk.

MR. CANDY:  Your mom and I, well… (RUBS CANDY’S BELLY)  We’re having a baby!

CANDY:  Now, that doesn’t mean we love YOU any less.  Our hearts are filled with enough love for all of you —

MARCY:  Seriously, guys.  You interrupted our 20-hour nap for THIS?!

MATTY:  Let us know when you have something important to share.  Like a tub of Meox Mix.  Until then…

The cats return to their nap.  Candy and Mr. Candy look at each other.

MR. CANDY:  I think that went well, don’t you?

CANDY:  Yup.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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