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Boy Calls 911 on Mom to Avoid Bedtime — Inspiring a Top 10 List of “Dumbest 911 Calls Ever Made”

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Boy Calls 911 on Mom to Avoid Bedtime — Inspiring a Top 10 List of “Dumbest 911 Calls Ever Made”

My kids employ plenty of bedtime delay tactics (see: here), but I suppose I should be thankful they haven’t called the police on me, as a 10-year-old Boston boy did this week — just to complain that his mother was making him go to bed.  Thankfully, the officer who was required to visit the scene was understanding and, at the request of the mom, talked to the boy to make sure he understood the consequences of his actions.  And to make the boy and mom feel not so bad, we also compiled a list of other real-life 911 calls that may just be even more ridiculous:


1.  The woman who called 911 to ask a police officer on a date

A woman in Aloha, Oregon, called 911 because she thought a deputy who had just visited her house on a complaint was good-looking. After her neighbors reported a noise complaint, two sheriff’s deputies knocked on Lorna Jeanne Dudash’s door. One of them caught her eye. When they left, Dudash dialed 9-1-1 in a desperate attempt to get the deputy she described to dispatchers as a “cutie pie” to return.  She said that she didn’t have an emergency; she just wanted the dispatcher to “throw the cute police back her way.”  The “cute” deputy returned and, once he determined there was no legitimate emergency, he arrested Dudash for misusing 9-1-1. She now faces a fine of up to several thousand dollars and up to a year in jail.

Which is pretty much how all storybook romances start, right?

2.  The woman who called 911 after getting locked inside her own car

A Florida woman called 911 because she was locked inside her car. Turns out, all she needed to do was manually pull up the lock on the door.

Thus lending credence to all the stupid “bad women drivers” jokes.  Thanks, lady.

3.  The lonely man who called 911 over 27,000 times
John Triplette, a 45-year-old unemployed man, was charged for abusing the 911 emergency line: he made over 27,000 calls to 911.  Police says he was a lonely man who would call the dispatchers for company, sometimes hundreds of times a day. He would also make various noises, including grunts and other bodily noises, minimal conversation in a disguised voice, beeps from the touch pad, etc.  Police said he apologized for the calls. He said he made them “because they were free.” He faces a $1,000 fine and/or six months in jail.

Well, good thing they nabbed him before he made 28,000 calls.

4.  The woman who called 911 because McDonald’s didn’t have McNuggets
Angered that her local McDonald’s was out of Chicken McNuggets, a Florida woman called 911 three times to report the fast food “emergency.” Latreasa Goodman, 27, called police to complain that a cashier would not give her a refund. When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, “This is an emergency. If I had known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one.” She was arrested and the Police pressed charges for misusing the 911 system.

Florida, huh?  I’m sensing a common thread.  Also:  a MCDOUBLE?  As if!  They should have arrested the cashier for offering such a lousy substitute.

5. The wife who called 911 to make her husband stop watching porn
A frustrated German housewife called police because her husband would not stop watching porn movies. The 44-year-old woman, from Aachen, dialed the emergency police number and told the dispatcher in a weepy voice there was an emergency. But when officers arrived at the scene they found her pacing the apartment while her husband, 46, sat in front of the TV watching a blue movie. She was told however that there was nothing the police could do in such a case, but referred her to a counselor for help.

No word on whether the police seized the “evidence” for their own exploratory purposes.

6.  The 4-year-old boy who called 911 because he couldn’t solve a math problem
A 4-year-old kid named Johnny decided to call 911 when he needed help with his math homework. Amazingly, the dispatcher actually helped him.

Does this dispatcher have his own 911 extension?  We’ll probably need his help in a couple of years.

7.  The woman who called 911 over lack of shrimp in fried rice
A woman called 911 to report she didn’t get as much shrimp as she wanted in her fried rice at a Fort Worth-area restaurant. The angry customer asked the the dispatcher “to get a police officer up here, what has to happen?” The customer also said: “He didn’t even put extra shrimp in there.”

I’d have to double check, but I’m pretty sure the police don’t get involved until the buffet runs out of Jell-O.

8.  The couple who called the police to settle a cold feet row
A woman called the local 911 in China after her boyfriend refused to warm up her cold feet. Police received two consecutive calls, one from the woman complaining her boyfriend refused to warm her feet – the other from the man saying his girlfriend was too demanding.  The officer went out to the rental apartment, close to Ningbo University, to try to resolve the issue but found the couple still rowing. He eventually persuaded the boyfriend that it was a man’s job to warm his girlfriend’s feet but told the woman not to leave her feet there for too long. The young couple put aside their differences and thanked him for coming out to solve their problem.

The police officer went on to get his own TV show called “Dr. Phil.”

9.  The man who called 911 because he was turned away at a nightclub
A man in Beaverton, Oregon called 911 when a nightclub refused to let him inside. Employees at “The Caribe” nightclub in Beaverton said they didn’t let Edgar Dieguez-Lopez inside because he was too intoxicated. Dieguez-Lopez then called 911 and complained to dispatchers that he was denied entry. Dispatchers explained through a translator that the club has a right to refuse service and asked him to wait outside for the police. Officers responded to the club and found cocaine inside one of Dieguez-Lopez’s socks. He was arrested on drug charges.

He called the police when he had cocaine in his socks?  Dude really BLEW that one, didn’t he?  (Ba-dum-tish!)

10.  The man who was chased by cops and called 911 to try to fool them
A Sarasota man about to be pulled over by police tried to lure officers away by making a fake 911 call. Officers were following a 28-year-old man’s car to make a traffic stop when they got a 911 call for an armed robbery happening several blocks away.  The man’s plan seemed to work at first when the officers cut off their chase to answer the call. But then other officers in the area followed him into a parking lot and saw a gun in his car. Officer’s determined that the man was a felon and not allowed to possess a firearm. After the man was arrested, officers said they discovered that the bogus 911 call came from his cell phone.

Actually…well-done, Sarasota man.  Well-done, indeed.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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