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The 10 Weirdest Things I’ve Said This Week

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The 10 Weirdest Things I’ve Said This Week

Since becoming a mom, nary a day has passed when I haven’t thought, “Did those words just really come out of my mouth?”  Oh yes, indeed, they did.  So I decided to document some of the more bizarre things I’ve found myself saying to my nearly three-year-old daughter and one-year-old son over the past week so.  And here they are (all true)…

The 10 Weirdest Things I’ve Said This Week

10.  “Stop licking your brother, please.”

9.  “No, Skylar, I do NOT have poop in my pull-ups.”

8.  “Get that guitar out of the bookcase.”

7.  “What’s that white stuff on my pants?”

6.   “No, I don’t think Pappy can rap like Twist.”

5.  “Are you trying to eat the chair?!”

4.  “Careful!  You’re going to spill your pee on the floor.”

3.  “Don’t eat the cats’ food.”

2.  “Mommy’s neck is not a jungle gym.”

1.  “Yikes — stop slapping your balls!  I need to get your diaper on.”

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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