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12 Things A Father Would Never Say to His Daughter

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12 Things A Father Would Never Say to His Daughter

In celebration of Father’s Day being right around the corner, I’ve come up with a list of things that my dad never, ever would have said to me while I was growing up (or would even say to me now):

12.  “Can you turn up that music?”

11.  “Midnight’s a pretty lame curfew.  How ’bout 2AM instead?”

10.  “I LOVE that you got your ears pierced without asking.  Such an independent spirit!”

9.  “That skirt’s a little on the long side, don’t you think?”

8.  “You know what your room needs?  Even MORE clothes piled on top of each other.”

7.  “Here, take the remote.”

6.  “I understand why you let your car run out of gas.  You have a lot on your mind.”

5.  “A date with a boy?  Here, take 50 bucks to make it extra-romantic.”

4.  “I think we should watch another episode of ‘Saved by the Bell.'”

3.  “You need more lipstick.”

2.  “Look, I’m in no position to judge — your mom and I were too young when we had sex, too!”

1.  “You’re growing up way too slowly.”

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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